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Agreeing
and Disagreeing in Love
Commitments for Mennonites
in Times of Disagreement
Mennonite Church USA
"Making every effort
to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace"
(Eph.
4:3),
as both individual members and the body of Christ, we pledge
that we shall:
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In Thought |
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Accept conflict |
1. |
Acknowledge together that conflict
is a normal part of our life in the church. Romans
14:1-8, 10-12,
17-19
15:1-7 |
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Affirm hope |
2. |
Affirm that as God walks with us
in conflict we can work through to growth. Ephesians
4:15-16 |
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Commit to prayer |
3. |
Admit our needs and commit ourselves
to pray for a mutually satisfactory solution (no prayers for
my success or for the other to change but to find a joint way).
James
5:16 |
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In Action |
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Go to the other |
4. |
Go directly to those with whom we
disagree; avoid behind-the-back criticism.* Matthew
5:23-24; 18:15-20. |
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In the spirit of humility |
5. |
Go in gentleness, patience and humility.
Place the problem between us at neither doorstep and own our
part in the conflict instead of pointing out the others'. Galatians
6:1-5 |
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Be quick to listen |
6. |
Listen carefully, summarize and
check out what is heard before responding. Seek as much to understand
as to be understood. James
1:19; Proverbs
18:13 |
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Be slow to judge |
7. |
Suspend judgments, avoid labeling,
end name calling, discard threats, and act in a nondefensive,
nonreactive way. Romans
2:1-4; Galatians
5:22-26 |
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Be willing to negotiate |
8. |
Work through the disagreements
constructively. Acts
15; Philippians
2:1-11
- Identify issues, interests,
and needs of both (rather than take positions).
- Generate a variety of options
for meeting both parties' needs (rather than defending one's
own way).
- Evaluate options by how they
meet the needs and satisfy the interests of all sides (not one
side's values).
- Collaborate in working out a
joint solution (so both sides gain, both grow and win).
- Cooperate with the emerging
agreement (accept the possible, not demand your ideal).
- Reward each other for each step
forward, toward agreement (celebrate mutuality)
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In Life |
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Be steadfast in love |
9. |
Be firm in our commitment to seek
a mutual solution; be stubborn in holding to our common foundation
in Christ; be steadfast in love. Colossians
3:12-15 |
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Be open to mediation |
10. |
Be open to accept skilled help.
If we cannot reach agreement among ourselves, we will use those
with gifts and training in mediation in the larger church. Philippians
4:1-3 |
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Trust the community |
11. |
We will trust the community and
if we cannot reach agreement or experience reconciliation, we
will turn the decision over to others in the congregation or
from the broader church. Acts
15
- In one-to-one or small group
disputes, this may mean allowing others to arbitrate.
- In congregational, conference
district or denominational disputes, this may mean allowing others
to arbitrate or implementing constitutional decision-making processes,
insuring that they are done in the spirit of these guidelines,
and abiding by whatever decision is made.
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Be the Body of Christ |
12. |
Believe in and rely on the solidarity
of the Body of Christ and its commitment to peace and justice,
rather than resort to the courts of law. I
Corinthians 6:1-6 |
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*Go directly if you are European-North
American; in other cultures disagreements are often addressed
through a trusted go-between. |
Adopted by the General Conference
Mennonite Church Triennial Session and Mennonite Church General
Assembly, Wichita, KS, July 1995, Proceedings, pp. 46-47.
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